“The internet’s largest collection of pictures featuring Paul Chapman with hair”
We were going to write a diatribe about the fact Geelong Football Club has more integrity than StKilda, and explain why this will get us over the line. But Paul Chapman with hair is a much better use of our Friday. Brilliant.
All kudos goes to http://paulchapmanwithhair.tumblr.com/.
Like Ayrton Senna’s pulse rate (that was said to lower at the start of a GP race), we at The Terrace start moving instinctively better on the cusp of spring. It’s not an arrogant strut nor a puntzy parade, but more a languid movement of purpose.
We’ve learned in heart wrenching ways that whilst you can watch Home and Away every week , it doesn’t guarantee a logie. So, as flowers bloom, you can be sure a decent pattern is emerging (aside from Matthew Newton’s pugilistic tendencies): the reliably well-positioned and psychologically prepared Cat Attack.
We are reliably bombarded by news services at this time of year. The game is riddled with all sorts of stakeholders and people armed with in and ill-formed opinions. Here The Terrace, we are constantly discussing the fine line that separates this divide. The greatest commentators of our game have an ability to see, understand and convey actions and feelings like few others. It buoys us considerably that many, if not the best, in the business barrack for the ‘Greatest team of all’. For a little taste of how and why we love Gerard read on!!
Is this the last home game for Baby Jesus? The Terrace remembers the last home game for Kent Kingsley. It was against the Demons. The penultimate home and away round of 2006. He was an emergency, but was a late inclusion. They announced it over the PA before the start of the game, and the groan on the terrace was palpable. He got one kick, one handball and took one mark. The match was a draw. We missed out on the finals that year. The punters wanted blood. Vale Kent.
We’re not sure what the atmosphere will be like on Saturday. Probably a bit sweet and sour, much like the Chinese-Australian pork dish. Frank(costa)ly, noone is really sure what Gaz is thinking, and we’re not sure Gary really knows whether he’s coming or going.
In any case we’re still negotiating for a leave pass for the big day, but the chances are slim dusty. Think we’ll just buy the Ablettiser instead. Oh, thanks for the memories, Frank. We’ve loved your work…
Here at The Terrace, after awaking early Monday to a schnitzel-like hammering, we couldn’t help but turn our admiration from the Socceroos to the sartorial splendour of the fashionable German fuehrer, one Joachim Low. Watching the German coach cum fashionista strut his pitchside stuff got us thinking: what is it about wogball, errr…we mean football, coaches and their dress sense? What really drives them to dress with such distinction in comparison to their decidedly less fashionable AFL counterparts. Let’s take our good friend Maradona as another example. Traditionally happy to don the more relajado tracksuit for big game duties, he’s been persuaded (by his daughters) to adopt a more stylish match day attire. And the result is plain for all to see: Diego is simply smashing in a striking mafioso suit.
Spot the difference.
Bags of fruit were once plat du jour for VFL coaches including Norm Smith, Ronald Dale and the like. But, let’s face it, these days most AFL coaches – our beloved Bomber included – struggle to justify the expenditure on a cheap suit, let alone a purple slinky Versace v-neck t-shirt on the inside. Take Brett Voss as an example, who chooses to spice things up with an official polo top and a pair of cheap black slacks and Windsor Smith school shoes. On the other hand, Brad Scott’s idea of dressing up for the big day involves an official Kangaroos ‘hoody’. Mick Malthouse ain’t much better, and in reality spends most of his fashion budget on a grey rinse for the portion of hair that grows from his bottom lip. Bomber isn’t great, but quite frankly he could turn up to a game in nothing but a slinky grass skirt and thongs and we wouldn’t blink twice. And the cats would probably keep winning.
Hmmmmm, que interesante!
“Like the proverbial frog in the kettle, the temperature is rising and in our blissful ignorance we do not realise we are being cooked alive.” Gary Ablett Senior, Herald Sun, March 26
Ummmmm, did you read Gary’s diatribe in the Hun last week? Did they publish it as a joke? Whichever way you look at it, it’s fair to say the great man has adopted our quest for ‘The Holy Trinity’ with Christian gusto. Kudos, Gaz. Welcome to the team…
Gary and the waterfall. Picture: Mike Keating Source: Herald Sun
‘The Trinity is the term employed to signify the central doctrine of The Terrace religion — the truth that in the unity of the club there are Three Premierships, the Father (2007), the Holy Ghost (2008), the Son (2009), and the Holy Spirit (2010), these three Premierships being truly distinct one from another.‘
www.thecattersadvent.org.au
Back to back would be so very nice, and we can’t help but dub 2010 our quest for ‘The Holy Trinity’. Here’s a little teaser to get the mouth watering…
Oh, by the way, Gary won’t go, will he? Seriously. Would he? I mean, there’s more to life than money. Isn’t there?
Here at The Terrace we’ve been caught short a number of times when asked about our boon mature-age rookie cum senior player, James ‘wildcard’ Podsiadly. For the record, he was promoted to the senior list as of Monday, so cometh the time and hour to know more about our much-hyped journeyman. Who is he, where does he come from, why hasn’t he played a senior game of AFL yet – and how the hell do you pronounce his name? Well, for the benefit of Terrace readers, here is our exclusive ‘Podsy’ 101.
1. We have no idea how to pronounce his name nor why he hasn’t got a game yet. Suggestions or opinions would be most welcome.
2. He’s spent quality time with the ‘Pies (2000 – played three Wizard Cup games), the Bombers (2002), the Bulldogs (2005) and the Tigers (2006). And let’s not forget a lengthy stint at Werribee – before finally finding his mojo as a player and fitness coach at KP last year.
3. He’s won the VFL Jim ‘Frosty’ Miller medal and J.J. Liston Trophy (for leading goal kicker and Best & Fairest respectively), two Werribee and one Geelong Best & Fairests.
4. He’s a life member of the VFL and was selected in the VFL’s team-of-the-year at centre half-forward on four occasions. Represented Victoria on three occasions.
5. He has been wearing no. 31 (Did someone say Mensch???!!!), is 29 years-old, weighs 102kgs and is 6 feet 3 inches tall.
6. Given his ex-rookie status, if Podsiadly eventually does play his first senior game – hopefully this Friday – he will be forced by senior players to dress up in a strange costume and tied to a goal post at KP before being hit in the face by a cream pie (thrown by Spiros Malakellis).
We’re not serious about the crude prank, but the rest is apparently true. Seriously, given the chance, ‘Pods’ could provide us with the forward-thrusting sparkorama we need to pull in the Holy Trinity (a.k.a. three flags). Only time will tell, but it’s fair to say we’re excited about the prospect of a new and improved David Mensch floating across the half-forward line.
Bring, him, on!!!
Yea, we’re global!
There are a number of particular things that excite us here at the Terrace: DVD box sets, framed WEG posters, gas-powered confetti guns spewing blue and white…and now the possibility that citizens of the Ivory Coast will know about Australia’s largest non-capital city, Geelong. It might be time to ring the net registry and drop the .au, as KP is going global. The balanced editorial prerogative of the Ablettiser did well to keep a lid on expectation with an opening sentence yesterday stating that KP “may play host to a global audience of almost one billion people.”
Premier Brumby said he had long supported Geelong as the place to host World Cup games. “Geelong boasts the Corio Bay Motel, the Corio Bay Roadhouse and Smorgy’s, making it an ideal location for a World Cup event.”
The question on our lips is: will our country membership get us some standing room at a world cup match at KP?
Yours Globally,
The Terrace
“…he admitted to the public that he was an alcoholic and, after seeking treatment, found a more sensitive side to his character emerging, which included a return to education and an attempt to learn the piano.” Wikipedia entry for Tony Adams, Redeemed English Premier League Legend
It’s fair to say Stokesy and the club have been under seige – insert Steven Segal humour here – over the last few weeks, in many cases unfairly. To be honest, the only path from here to a…errr…reputable reputation is one of true redemption. Here at The Terrace we’ve no doubt Stokesy is already on this high and mighty journey; however, it’s interesting to look into our archives for some of the more successful – and indeed not so successful – lessons from sporting life. Let’s compare some of the redeemed, not so reedemed, and others who are on the journey to redemption.
Redeemed
Stevie J – Drunk in Wang, 5 weeks off, just call him Normie.
Shane Warne – Affairs, bookmakers, fluid-reducing tablet, 708 test wickets.
Tony Lockett – St Kilda, dishlickers, Peter Caven, Sydney, 1360 goals.
Tony Adams – Arsenal, alcohol, English Premier League Hall of Fame.
Jennifer Capriati – Shoplifting, marijuana, world number 1.
Lester Ellis – World boxing champion, assault and affray, sober.
Not so redeemed
Paul Gascoigne – The other ‘Gazza’, alcohol, dodgy marriage, unfulfilled potential.
Gary Ablett Snr – Needs no explanation.
Hansie Cronje – South African captain, bribes, plane crash.
Diego Maradona – Legend, hand of god, cocaine, Cuba, not a great coach.
Floyd Landis – Tour de France, drugs, sound familiar?
Tonya Harding – Ice skating, baseball bat, Nancy Kerrigan.
Ben Johnson – 1988, 9.79 seconds, steroids.
In the queue for redemption…
Tiger Woods – Golf, $$$, Sex, what next?
Barry Hall – St Kilda, Sydney, Brent Staker (and others), Doggies.
Ben Cousins – West Coast, Such is life, Richmond.
And the list goes on…we’d be interested to hear of more from punters on The Terrace…who are the most redeemed (and not redeemed) sportsmen and women?
Yours redeemingly,
The Terrace
Rumour has it the leadership group have given Mathew a shortlist of ‘full-time’ jobs to choose from. They include:
1. Linesman at Geelong Tennis Club
2. Gary Ablett’s new girlfriend.
3. Traffic supervisor (aka lollypop man) at Kardinia Primary
Pretty lame really. Oh, we also got this photo in the mail.
It’s all a bit harsh, isn’t it?