The Terrace

Is there nothing quite like the look of a ten-time beaten, dejected and despondent Hawthorn player (not to mention supporter) departing the ‘G? Has Buddy Franklin spent too much time on his new haircut, and not enough time on a much-anticipated contract renewal? Does Josh Gibson think more about cashmere beanies and prescription-less designer spectacles than he does on defensive-pressure tactics? Is Jeff Kennett the tip of a Hawthorn club-implosion iceberg? Does it get any better than beating Hawthorn ten times in a row? How good is our batch of ‘new youth’? Can the Cats continue the odd-number premiership tradition by winning in 2007, 2009, 2011 AND TWENTY THIRTEEN?

Nice beret, Jeffrey.

So many questions to awaken The Terrace from a pre-season slumber. All we can say – apart from everything else we’ve already said – is, BRING ON THE ‘ROOS!!!

p.s. Anecdotally, in response to our most recent poll (“which grand final loss was the worst?”), 55% of punters said ’08 was still the most tender, with ’89 a distant second. Continuing in this vein, our new poll asks: how many loses will it take to make up for that crap day in September? Vote now!

Paul Chapman was and always will be great: three premierships, one Norm Smith, one Carji Greeves, two all-Australian teams, countless crunch-time goals and a booty of hard-man qualities. Not bad for the 31st draft pick. Indeed, to watch Chappy rise this year above premature forecasts of his demise is a credit to the man, his tightly cropped beard and his will to succeed. We want and need Chappy around for a couple more years.

But, after reading Mark Robinson’s interview with him in Saturday’s Herald Sun, one can’t help but feel he’s feeling the pressure and resultant cracks are appearing. Put simply, Chappy wants a two year contract, whilst the club is offering one. With quotes like “It’s the first time in my career I’ve been questioned…” and “I believe more in myself than what they believe in me …in terms of my body”, his dirty laundry is being aired.

It’s not like Geelong. This is information the club (players and officials) typically keeps to its chest. The public nature of the Ablett and Thompson affairs were the antithesis of the club’s famous integrity. And who could forget the way Buddha, Bairstow and Ablett Snr et al were shown the door? So, could Chappy’s fate be the beginning of a protracted and ugly finish to the season? The unfortunate reality is that we are victims of our own success: legends of the club who are entering into Father Time. Their future the subject of debate. How much further value they can add to the club: one or two years – or none? Chapman is the first, and no doubt others will follow. Some will go relatively quietly (think Ling, Ottens, Milburn and Mooney), and others won’t.

Combine these sensitive and difficult conversations with a potentially disastrous run into the finals, and things could get complicated. Forget not that Joel Selwood is a 24 year-old, first-year captain, and the pressure on him will be immense. Ultimately this could prove to be the club’s biggest challenge: to defend a premiership, handle an ageing champion list with dignity whilst setting up the foundations for another era as glorious as the last. We for one hope the club can uphold its reputation for managing business, people and success hand in glove. Surely Chris Scott and Brian Cook – with their exposure to similar circumstances at Brisbane and West Coast – will be invaluable. But the very players who are entering the final years of their careers will also need to act as they have played the game: with dignity, courage, skill and respect.

A wise man once said, “he who thinks Chris is Brad and Brad is Chris confuses the Scott twins and is an almighty knob”.

On Friday we twice entered the great pantheon of football knobbery. For that we apologise. As a symbolic act of repentance and sympathy we are off to ink a ‘Gay Premiers’ tattoo on our right arm before sharing a beer with Grant Thomas.

Happy new year to all The Terrace punters. Here’s to back-to-back in 2012.

On Monday, a Gary Ablett of a different kind passed away after a long battle with cancer. He was 46, played for Liverpool and was later controversially transferred to Everton. Ablett scored in his first match and won two championships and the FA Cup during his spell with Liverpool, and became the first player to win the FA Cup for both Merseyside clubs when he repeated the feat with Everton in 1995.

Here at The Terrace, we remember first hearing about “our Garys’” namesake whilst hiking in Brazil with an Englishman. Upon sharing our obsession for one G. Ablett Snr of Geelong, he spoke of one G. Ablett of Merseyside. Memorably, he remarked that Ablett’s name had become rhyming slang for an ecstasy tablet. For example, ”eh mate il give ya 3quid for that last Gary Ablett”. The irony was and still isn’t lost on us.

Anyway, we digress. You can read a moving tribute by former Liverpool captain Alan Hansen on The Daily Telegraph website. By all accounts he was a decent man with great talent for the world game.

As one punter on the Liverpool website commented, “RIP Gary Ablett, You’ll never walk alone.”

From all here at The Terrace, we wish you a merry and safe Chrisscottmas. May your Buddha Hocking be chockers with 2011 memorabilia, including Cameron Ling’s premiership-winning underpants.

If you do yourself one favour this festive season (apart from watching the 154th repeat of the Grand Final), indulge in this interview with Great Scott on FoxSports’ ‘On the Couch’ program. Articulate. Intelligent. Hard man. First-year Premiership coach. Legend! Ho ho ho…

p.s. we were wrong. on a less festive note, the actual winner of The Footy Almanac competition was Simon Balderstone. Bit of a mix up, but no love lost apparently! Congrats, Simon.

On Friday July 29 we broke the facial soreness post. Then, on August 3rd, the Addy reported the following:

“Scott moved to clarify the unusual and somewhat incorrect “facial soreness” term used to describe Podsiadly’s absence last week.

“We all feel a little bit embarrassed that he was listed as facial soreness,” he said.

“We didn’t put that, so I’m not sure where facial soreness came from, so you’ll have to ask the AFL.

“Pods sent me a text message asking if he was the first AFL player to miss with facial soreness, and I think he probably was, but (facial soreness) wasn’t the case.

“He’s got a few minor issues … but the face was pretty low down the list.”"

Here at The Terrace, we have good reason to believe that was our first ever exclusive. How very exclusive…

“Having known all the guys and doing some training with them, it was a really pleasant surprise how down-to-earth and genuine they all are. I’m a fervent Cats fans now.” Our Cadel, Herald Sun, January 24, 2009

We really need to milk this victory. With all due respect, it might be time for Darryl Paul Somers to handover the prestigious #1 ticket to ‘Our’ Cadel. No offence, Daz, but…well…really, think about it. Inaugural Australian Tour De France winner vs Ex Hey Hey Compere. Are you getting the gist?

For the footy record, the club is rumoured to be distributing commemorative yellow ponchos on Saturday to celebrate the great victory. Apparently…

In all our efforts to dig up something serious to say about the Nick Maxwell and Heath Shaw scandal, all we could produce was this photo…based upon the evidence, we think it’s fair to say Nick’s in-laws won’t be betting on him swimming at the London Olympics.

How cheap.

Here at The Terrace, the three walls in our office dunny are occupied by: one toilet roll dispenser; a malfunctioning bar heater; premiership posters from ’07 and ’09; and, our good friend ‘The Tennis Girl’. The latter is a nice print. Some may say a work of art. But that wall was supposed to have Weg’s final work of art: the ’08 premiership poster. That wall was earmarked for back-to-back glory. And then we lost the unloseable final. Now, every time we look at The Girl and all her infinite beauty, we are cruelly transported from courtside to that hot and blustery day in September ’08. We are reminded of an opportunity lost. Of points kicked. And adulating, maniacal, plum-mouthed Hawthorn supporters screaming ‘Budddddddddddddy’. Last week’s win (and indeed the last 5 against Hawthorn) have been nice, but they won’t atone for that single loss.

Last year’s loss to Collingwood felt like the final rites. The end of our glorious era. The end of our chance to replace the tennis girl with her rightful replacement. But, alas, with a new coach, we are 5 from 5. Huzzah! Milking the ‘old’ and injecting some new calf blood in the form of Duncan, Menzel and the likes. We’re excited: the fire inside is alive and well, thankyou very muchly. The holy trinity may well yet be a reality. Sure, it’s early days; but it’s OK to dream. Provided it’s not of Tim Mathieson and Julia Gilliard nude. Or of them making love on Australia’s equivalent to Air Force One. This is getting really weird, so we should move on.

We love you tennis girl. We really do. But another premiership poster would be something special. It was, after all, meant to be.

It’s been a long time between drinks here at The Terrace. NAB cups don’t get us super excited, in particular when we’re not winning. Speaking of drinks, we just heard some punter on SEN talk about how he, to save a penny or two, takes hot dogs to the footy in his thermos. Out comes the roll, in goes the dog. Super dogs away. That’s brilliant. The family man’s answer to vodka in a water melon. We once tried vodka in a watermelon. Took it to the WACA for day at the cricket. Vodka sank to the bottom, so it’s fair to say the last mouthfuls packed a bit of punch. Pardon the pun. Ouch.

We’re finding it hard to warm up before the big game against the immoral ones at the ‘G on Friday. The late Summery blast makes us think of the lost Summer gone, not the footy season ahead. But reading Martin Flanagan’s article in The Age on Saturday got the feline juices pumping. It really is a great read. In it he talks about many things cat related, including John Button, Tom Wills, Fred Flanagan and an article by John Harms on the Footy Almanac about the recent practise match against the Blues. Speaking of that match, sounds like it was a great fightback. Hopefully something to suggest we can prove Tim Lane wrong. Screw you, Tim. We’ll give ya days of dominance once and for all!