The Terrace

And in breaking news, Collingwood has recruited another girl, Miranda Kerr, to bolster is struggling playing group. Collingwood Coach, Mick Malthouse, said he was delighted to add another female to the list. “We’ve been looking for another girl to complement our crappy forward line, and Miranda will fit in beautifully. Travis Cloke and Leon Davis play a particularly soft brand of football, so Kerr should provide us with more of the football Collingwood fans are used to.”

Kerr in her first hit out with the 'Pies... (source: Herald-Sun.com.au)

Club President, Eddie McGuire, said Kerr would fit straight into the fickle team culture. “We have spent millions building a prima-donna culture, and our performances on the big stage now show this. This addition should ensure that, despite having the best facilities, a high number of members, big profits and the most home games at the MCG, we will continue to under perform. We are – and all Collingwood supporters should be – delighted that the club is now one step closer to becoming a bunch of girls.” Collingwood members are rumoured to be disconcerted with the latest move; however, McGuire has asked all supporters to express their opinion at the next AGM.

Ms Kerr said she was taking it “one lame club at a time”.

“…he admitted to the public that he was an alcoholic and, after seeking treatment, found a more sensitive side to his character emerging, which included a return to education and an attempt to learn the piano.” Wikipedia entry for Tony Adams, Redeemed English Premier League Legend

It’s fair to say Stokesy and the club have been under seige – insert Steven Segal humour here – over the last few weeks, in many cases unfairly. To be honest, the only path from here to a…errr…reputable reputation is one of true redemption. Here at The Terrace we’ve no doubt Stokesy is already on this high and mighty journey; however, it’s  interesting to look into our archives for some of the more successful – and indeed not so successful – lessons from sporting life. Let’s compare some of the redeemed, not so reedemed, and others who are on the journey to redemption.

Redeemed

Stevie J – Drunk in Wang, 5 weeks off, just call him Normie.
Shane Warne – Affairs, bookmakers, fluid-reducing tablet, 708 test wickets.
Tony Lockett – St Kilda, dishlickers, Peter Caven, Sydney, 1360 goals.
Tony Adams – Arsenal, alcohol, English Premier League Hall of Fame.
Jennifer Capriati – Shoplifting, marijuana, world number 1.
Lester Ellis – World boxing champion, assault and affray, sober.

Not so redeemed

Paul Gascoigne – The other ‘Gazza’, alcohol, dodgy marriage, unfulfilled potential.
Gary Ablett Snr – Needs no explanation.
Hansie Cronje – South African captain, bribes, plane crash.
Diego Maradona – Legend, hand of god, cocaine, Cuba, not a great coach.
Floyd Landis – Tour de France, drugs, sound familiar?
Tonya Harding – Ice skating, baseball bat, Nancy Kerrigan.
Ben Johnson – 1988, 9.79 seconds, steroids.

In the queue for redemption…

Tiger Woods – Golf, $$$, Sex, what next?
Barry Hall – St Kilda, Sydney, Brent Staker (and others), Doggies.
Ben Cousins – West Coast, Such is life, Richmond.

And the list goes on…we’d be interested to hear of more from punters on The Terrace…who are the most redeemed (and not redeemed) sportsmen and women?

Yours redeemingly,

The Terrace

Rumour has it the leadership group have given Mathew a shortlist of ‘full-time’ jobs to choose from. They include:

1. Linesman at Geelong Tennis Club

2. Gary Ablett’s new girlfriend.

3. Traffic supervisor (aka lollypop man) at Kardinia Primary

Pretty lame really. Oh, we also got this photo in the mail.

It’s all a bit harsh, isn’t it?

This is kind of funny, in a Friday sort of way.