The Terrace

Paul Chapman With Hair

“The internet’s largest collection of pictures featuring Paul Chapman with hair”

We were going to write a diatribe about the fact Geelong Football Club has more integrity than StKilda, and explain why this will get us over the line. But Paul Chapman with hair is a much better use of our Friday. Brilliant.

All kudos goes to http://paulchapmanwithhair.tumblr.com/.

Carn the catters!

SpringDing!

Like Ayrton Senna’s pulse rate (that was said to lower at the start of a GP race), we at The Terrace start moving instinctively better on the cusp of spring. It’s not an arrogant strut nor a puntzy parade, but more a languid movement of purpose.

We’ve learned in heart wrenching ways that whilst you can watch Home and Away every week , it doesn’t guarantee a logie. So, as flowers bloom, you can be sure a decent pattern is emerging (aside from Matthew Newton’s pugilistic tendencies): the reliably well-positioned and psychologically prepared Cat Attack.

We are reliably bombarded by news services at this time of year. The game is riddled with all sorts of stakeholders and people armed with in and ill-formed opinions.  Here The Terrace, we are constantly discussing the fine line that separates this divide. The greatest commentators of our game have an ability to see, understand and convey actions and feelings like few others. It buoys us considerably that many, if not the best, in the business barrack for the ‘Greatest team of all’. For a little taste of how and why we love Gerard read on!!

Red-headed Tuesday: John “Orange Roughhead” Mossop

It’s our first and most likely final Red-headed Tuesday for 2010. How exciting. Mossy was a Carji Greeves winner and Victorian representative. Played 134 games as a ruck and occasional forward. Wound up at North. Still seen enjoying a celebratory pot at the Lord of the Isles on Grand Final Sunday. Nice mop, Mossy.

The last goodbye?

Is this the last home game for Baby Jesus? The Terrace remembers the last home game for Kent Kingsley. It was against the Demons. The penultimate home and away round of 2006. He was an emergency, but was a late inclusion. They announced it over the PA before the start of the game, and the groan on the terrace was palpable. He got one kick, one handball and took one mark. The match was a draw. We missed out on the finals that year. The punters wanted blood. Vale Kent.

We’re not sure what the atmosphere will be like on Saturday. Probably a bit sweet and sour, much like the Chinese-Australian pork dish. Frank(costa)ly, noone is really sure what Gaz is thinking, and we’re not sure Gary really knows whether he’s coming or going.

In any case we’re still negotiating for a leave pass for the big day, but the chances are slim dusty. Think we’ll just buy the Ablettiser instead. Oh, thanks for the memories, Frank. We’ve loved your work…

95 cents per sausage roll

“…the days of dominance are over…” Tim Lane, Channel 10, after the Bulldogs led in the first quarter of the game.

Nice one, Tim. The rest, as they say, is history (or our story, if you like)… But let’s not harp on it. Seriously. Here at The Terrace we are enjoying a celebratory frothy whilst soaking in a well of great positivity. On Saturday night we decided to sample the standing room at Etihad. It’s no Gary Ablett Terrace, but it’s a view nonetheless. And when that view allows you to feast on 25 sausage rolls, what more can you say? At $23.75 a ticket, we got one goal per 95 cents. That, ladies and gentlemen, is value for money. Cheaper than the cost of a sausage roll at a 1985 primary school kiosk.

We’re back, Timmy!

Forsakenness

forsake |fərˈsāk; fôr-|
verb ( past -sook |-ˈsoŏk|; past part. -saken |-ˈsākən|) [ trans. ] chiefly poetic/literary
abandon (someone or something) : he would never forsake The Gary Ablett Terrace | [as adj. ] ( forsaken) figurative a piece of concrete at Kardinia Park.
renounce or give up (something valued or pleasant) : I won’t forsake my standing room principles.

Here at The Terrace we’re not sure how we feel about the $36 million federal Liberal Party pledge hullabaloo. I mean, we don’t really care where the money comes from. And what’s a few million when it’s not a billion? A blatant splash of tax-payer cash in a marginal seat that happens to prop-up our chance of long and eternal football (and world) domination is a good thing for the hoops. But, most importantly, does this bucket of blue-blood cash (or the inevitable Labor return volley that will follow) represent the end of The Gary Ablett Terrace as we know it?

Surely that is the real issue here? As far as we can tell, there are no plans in ‘Stage 3′ to preserve our very incongruous but much-loved concrete hill. So, will KP be destined to become another generic football ground surrounded entirely by plastic seats, or will the football Gods (Costa and Cooke) preserve a living concrete treasure for the sake of enjoying football whilst not sitting on our ass? If they don’t, maybe they can afford to put a piece of the hill (think Berlin Wall) in the promised “Geelong Sports Museum”. Please, no. I’m getting panicky and desperate. Hyperventilating now.

OK, let’s think outside the square. If we were to demonstrate that watching football whilst seated leads to an increased chance of obesity, genital warts and hemorrhoids - it probably does - could we somehow then indicate that this ‘evolution’ is an occupational health and safety risk to all and sundry and that standing room must therefore remain? Unlikely. Damn.

Come on, 36 million buckaroonies, but no standing room? None? Someone do something, pleeeeease! Jules? Here at The Terrace, we’re gonna write a letter to the big man (no not Brett Spinks…Brian Cooke)…we’ll  let you know the results.

Travis Choke

We couldn’t help but laugh out loud (actually, very loudly) when this masterpiece came across our desks. Do you think it was commissioned by the old man, David, through one of those chalk buskers on Swanston street? Perhaps Travis is going to tattoo it on his back? Hmmmm…

Handles

Here at The Terrace, Stephen Handley is one of the players that personifies the mid-nineties. When we hear another rockin’ verse of The Cat Attack, we’re immediately haunted by a vision of Handles, kicking three goals in junk time during the latter half of the ’95 grand final. It’s fair to say Handles seems to have copped a verbal belting more times that you can say Kent Kingsley was a crap full forward. But, really, was Handles all that bad?

He played 73 games between ‘92 and ‘96, kicked 23 goals and, believe it or not, picked up 4 Brownlow votes over the course of three games in the 1992 season. He missed out on the grand final that year, but was part of the ’94 and ’95 grand final sides. Some blame Handles for those losses, but we think that’s a bit rough. I mean, one handle don’t maketh the bar, does it? Ultimately, Handles won’t be remembered for much at KP, but at least the Coodabean’s penned a nice story about him. Handles, we salute you. And your fierce haircut.

Warren

“Warren Tredrea, take a bow!” ABC Radio Commentator before Tredrea’s lap of honour at AAMI Stadium on Saturday.

Here at The Terrace, we couldn’t agree more with our good friends at the ABC. Nice work, Warren. By the way, did you know Waz’s second name is Gary? That, my good friends, is noteworthy.

Scratcher Revisited

Here at The Terrace, we’re really struggling for words. And whilst it’s not red-headed Tuesday, we couldn’t resist breaking with convention and sharing this little gem with you. Nice chain, Scratcher.